As an introvert, I wanted to to defend ourselves to the extroverts at large.
First, we don't like to be corrected publicly, like anyone else. Please don't ever spout out something like "How come you don't talk?" when we are in a group. This useful question usually comes up while we are in a group of people we just met and have no commonality with. It's like being dragged along to your wife's class reunion, and you know none of her classmates, and weren't there at the parties they talked about. You're there to be there, and not to really contribute anything to the conversation. The aggravating thing is your wife is of no help by not helping you get into the conversation, even though you're her guest, and not there by choice.
Which is related to my next peeve: if you invite someone along to your group you already know well, such as work, school, or jail, please don not leave s hanging. Don't introduce me to your friends by name as an outsider, and then delve into a conversation only understood by insiders. Please, understand we are your audience, too. It could help by asking us about how we feel about what is discussed and not left to fend for ourselves in the conversational wilderness.
Another thing that can be irksome with extroverts is for some, everything that comes out of their mouths is supposed to be so doggone interesting. Just because you sit next to someone at a diner or bar, that should not obligate you to be their bosom buddy. Social pleasantries are fine, but long winded yarns about nothing particularly interesting or relevant are frustrating. You may enjoy telling the story about what happened at the wedding of your nephew, but if I wasn't there, please don't expect me join in as though I was. If the extrovert initiates a long conversation, the topic should be of mutual knowledge and interest, otherwise he should be obliged to pick up the check. Just please understand, we do not want to be the bad guy, antisocial lout, or arrogant just because we don't want to engage in your stories. Please understand and appreciate our differences, and think the worse from us.
Introverts, rather, enjoy solitary pursuits, such as reading or just being introspective on what's going on in life (not just daydreaming, although that is not such a bad thing). There have been times I have been reprimanded in diners for reading a paper instead of engaging in surrounding conversation, even though I came in by myself. Reading is not arrogance, or, to be high schoolish, "stuck up." Reading opinions and works of others means you are open to other ideas and concepts.
A helpful suggestion would be to engage in conversations that are more ideal for them to take place. It is very frustrating when I am standing five feet away from a band, and you want to talk about problems on your property owners association. If you want to further engage, please don't call me on my cell phone for a long talk. Although I appreciate it you want to talk me, I would be more flattered if you would actually get off your couch, go outside, and meet me for coffee face to face, rather than having phone glued to my ear for an hour and losing minutes. And instead of referring me as "the quiet one," I would prefer being known as a loving father instead.
One final request: Please do not ever ask us if we can talk just because we don't join in and you don't hear us talking. Just because I don't see you read anything, I won't accuse you of being illiterate, either, or ask you why you can't shut up, okay?
Because in a world of cell phones, ringtones, and talking over one another, contemplation and silence can be a beautiful thing.
First, we don't like to be corrected publicly, like anyone else. Please don't ever spout out something like "How come you don't talk?" when we are in a group. This useful question usually comes up while we are in a group of people we just met and have no commonality with. It's like being dragged along to your wife's class reunion, and you know none of her classmates, and weren't there at the parties they talked about. You're there to be there, and not to really contribute anything to the conversation. The aggravating thing is your wife is of no help by not helping you get into the conversation, even though you're her guest, and not there by choice.
Which is related to my next peeve: if you invite someone along to your group you already know well, such as work, school, or jail, please don not leave s hanging. Don't introduce me to your friends by name as an outsider, and then delve into a conversation only understood by insiders. Please, understand we are your audience, too. It could help by asking us about how we feel about what is discussed and not left to fend for ourselves in the conversational wilderness.
Another thing that can be irksome with extroverts is for some, everything that comes out of their mouths is supposed to be so doggone interesting. Just because you sit next to someone at a diner or bar, that should not obligate you to be their bosom buddy. Social pleasantries are fine, but long winded yarns about nothing particularly interesting or relevant are frustrating. You may enjoy telling the story about what happened at the wedding of your nephew, but if I wasn't there, please don't expect me join in as though I was. If the extrovert initiates a long conversation, the topic should be of mutual knowledge and interest, otherwise he should be obliged to pick up the check. Just please understand, we do not want to be the bad guy, antisocial lout, or arrogant just because we don't want to engage in your stories. Please understand and appreciate our differences, and think the worse from us.
Introverts, rather, enjoy solitary pursuits, such as reading or just being introspective on what's going on in life (not just daydreaming, although that is not such a bad thing). There have been times I have been reprimanded in diners for reading a paper instead of engaging in surrounding conversation, even though I came in by myself. Reading is not arrogance, or, to be high schoolish, "stuck up." Reading opinions and works of others means you are open to other ideas and concepts.
A helpful suggestion would be to engage in conversations that are more ideal for them to take place. It is very frustrating when I am standing five feet away from a band, and you want to talk about problems on your property owners association. If you want to further engage, please don't call me on my cell phone for a long talk. Although I appreciate it you want to talk me, I would be more flattered if you would actually get off your couch, go outside, and meet me for coffee face to face, rather than having phone glued to my ear for an hour and losing minutes. And instead of referring me as "the quiet one," I would prefer being known as a loving father instead.
One final request: Please do not ever ask us if we can talk just because we don't join in and you don't hear us talking. Just because I don't see you read anything, I won't accuse you of being illiterate, either, or ask you why you can't shut up, okay?
Because in a world of cell phones, ringtones, and talking over one another, contemplation and silence can be a beautiful thing.
