Nobody Asked Me, Revisited

Legendary New York sportswriter Jimmy Cannon wrote a column when sports news was slow called “Nobody Asked Me, but…” It contained random observations on whatever struck him as odd, something unusual, or just to point out an absurdity. So, in the spirit of this writer, I’d like to add my own.

What’s the difference between “pre owned cars” and "used cars"?

Why don't men call another guy "mack" or "bub" anymore? And why is it acceptable to call another person "dog"?

“Complimenting” a woman she lost some weight lately is like “complimenting” a man on how great his toupee looks.

Why do people spend time in libraries talking of all places? And why are libraries the place people talk the loudest? Before cell phones, Blue Tooths (Teeth?), Ipads, and texting, people actually sat down to read a book in quiet.

Isn’t Secretaries’ Day easier to say and less awkward than Administrative Professionals’ Day? (more precise)

A great place to be left alone is sitting up front and center in most churches.

People who insist you take your shoes off at their house even if they are clean should be obligated to provide their guest with slippers.

Why do people with the biggest pickup trucks have to always diagonally park next to your car? They’re making you take your life in your hands when you back up because you can’t see around them.

Do people who tie ropes from one pole to another downtown to save sitting space for a parade expect other people to actually abide by them? How about showing up early instead?

Why do comedians have to cuss so much if they are funny to begin with? Red Skelton and Jonathan Winters seemed to do alright without it. So called sophisticated “adult humor” is really just stuff we thought was funny in the seventh grade.

Are men still expected to remove their caps while eating (or church)? Tipping your hat in the presence of a lady will just get you funny looks. As a corollary, why do men with full heads of hair rarely take off their hats?

Movies used to rely on plot, dialogue, character development, and comic relief to be entertaining. When half the movie is explosions and shooting, I feel like asking for my money back. 

It’s an awful irony to many people that you can’t smoke inside, and yet can’t drink outside.

Why are there so much poker games on ESPN, and yet no roller derby?

How did “gambling” suddenly become “gaming”? Checkers is a game. Blackjack is gambling.

Professional comedians who have to use shock value such a cussing to tell a story isn’t really funny at all, and is cheating their audience.

I remember the worst thing that could happen to you in school was a paddling by the teacher.

My idea of texting is writing a note to a friend.

I remember when most athletes had real names. If Jackie Robinson were playing today, he’d be “J-Rob.”