A Message for the Friendly Church

Dear Friendly Church,

thank you for the friendly welcome since I literally set foot in the door. From the smiling greeters who insisted I sign in as a guest, to being constantly talked at since sitting down. But hear are a few items I wanted to share with you as a single person coming in alone to visit your church.

First, we are not all social misfits unable to make friends who rely on the intervention of strangers to socialize. I think most of us are well adjusted people who come to church to worship, pray, and to reflect on how to  conduct our lives, as well as seeking grace from our Lord. Not everyone who enters wants constant attention, asked personal questions on their spiritual walk, and their testimony.

Granted, I appreciate the effort you put into it, and know their are some people on the other side of the spectrum that will never come back if they don't make personal friends with half the congregation. It's a noble goal to make people feel recognized and appreciated. It can be a delicate balance, and I know you need to grow as a church, so I suggest an even approach.

Last, let visitors set the agenda. Instead of seeing new people as potential members, try reading people as to what they want to do. People give off hints of when you are doing something uncomfortable. People want genuine friendship and conversation, not forced chatter from an usher because they are supposed to welcome someone from a list of instructions. Sometimes fellowship is best left for the coffee social after church or a small group, not during worship service.

Seeking Grace

There comes a time of reflection, and wanting to right the wrongs you have done to others in life. There may be roadblocks in doing so, such as distance, whether emotional or physical.

An event occurred several years ago where a girl I was in a relationship sat down in a booth across from me in a diner, with nobody else around. It was a perfect opportunity to apologize for the wrongs I had done. What were those things? Well, let's say I was inattentive, and didn't appreciate what I had. When you're twenty years old, you go through a lot of changes and feelings, and distractions happen. Rumors can flourish from people with their own agendas. Nonetheless, I threw the window of asking for forgiveness shut. Instead I just stood up and walked away, embarrassed and a little ashamed after so many years.

In retrospect, maybe I did the right thing. What right did I have to intrude into her life anymore than I did? I had my chance years ago, and instead forgot what was important. Now she moved on in life, and I was a bad memory. In Alcoholics Anonymous, part of their Twelve Steps is to seek the forgiveness of those you have wronged, unless it would cause harm to those by bringing up events in life that caused distress. I don't know if I could have caused more pain by asking for grace, so I took the easier way and left with not saying anything. Now I wonder what might have happened. I like to think she would have said everything was good now between us, but that is left to hope.

Receiving grace is an unequaled gift one hurt person can give another. Perhaps the hardest person to forgive is oneself, because you can blame nobody else.