There comes a time of reflection, and wanting to right the wrongs you have done to others in life. There may be roadblocks in doing so, such as distance, whether emotional or physical.
An event occurred several years ago where a girl I was in a relationship sat down in a booth across from me in a diner, with nobody else around. It was a perfect opportunity to apologize for the wrongs I had done. What were those things? Well, let's say I was inattentive, and didn't appreciate what I had. When you're twenty years old, you go through a lot of changes and feelings, and distractions happen. Rumors can flourish from people with their own agendas. Nonetheless, I threw the window of asking for forgiveness shut. Instead I just stood up and walked away, embarrassed and a little ashamed after so many years.
In retrospect, maybe I did the right thing. What right did I have to intrude into her life anymore than I did? I had my chance years ago, and instead forgot what was important. Now she moved on in life, and I was a bad memory. In Alcoholics Anonymous, part of their Twelve Steps is to seek the forgiveness of those you have wronged, unless it would cause harm to those by bringing up events in life that caused distress. I don't know if I could have caused more pain by asking for grace, so I took the easier way and left with not saying anything. Now I wonder what might have happened. I like to think she would have said everything was good now between us, but that is left to hope.
Receiving grace is an unequaled gift one hurt person can give another. Perhaps the hardest person to forgive is oneself, because you can blame nobody else.
An event occurred several years ago where a girl I was in a relationship sat down in a booth across from me in a diner, with nobody else around. It was a perfect opportunity to apologize for the wrongs I had done. What were those things? Well, let's say I was inattentive, and didn't appreciate what I had. When you're twenty years old, you go through a lot of changes and feelings, and distractions happen. Rumors can flourish from people with their own agendas. Nonetheless, I threw the window of asking for forgiveness shut. Instead I just stood up and walked away, embarrassed and a little ashamed after so many years.
In retrospect, maybe I did the right thing. What right did I have to intrude into her life anymore than I did? I had my chance years ago, and instead forgot what was important. Now she moved on in life, and I was a bad memory. In Alcoholics Anonymous, part of their Twelve Steps is to seek the forgiveness of those you have wronged, unless it would cause harm to those by bringing up events in life that caused distress. I don't know if I could have caused more pain by asking for grace, so I took the easier way and left with not saying anything. Now I wonder what might have happened. I like to think she would have said everything was good now between us, but that is left to hope.
Receiving grace is an unequaled gift one hurt person can give another. Perhaps the hardest person to forgive is oneself, because you can blame nobody else.
No comments:
Post a Comment