I encountered someone I believed standoffish and distant in a cafeteria I worked. He never looked at you as you walked by, nodded, or said hello. I thought perhaps he just did not like police officers and felt insulted, but I later learned that he was like that with everyone. I grew uncomfortable in his presence.
Then I remembered: He reminded me of myself some years ago (and, unfortunately today, to a lesser extent), almost to a tee.
Someone angry and depressed at a world who misunderstood me, that loved to talk about things among their friends, and making me an outsider as a result. There was a time I longed for friendship and acceptance, then it disappeared. Stung by romantic breakups and not liking the things others did, I became a loner. That cast me in the eyes of many as unfriendly, and the cycle continued. A bar was a place to go and listen to music get out of the house, enjoy a beer and a smoke, and observe pretty young ladies. However, I was an observer to the crowd at large, socializing and having fun among friends. There was a time when I may have been jealous of the gathering of companions, commiserating on the travails and humor of life, but I eventually became cold to it. I became numb to what people thought of me or how I was perceived.
Eventually, I found a group of friends that I could relate, and found jobs where I found purpose in them, and did not see people as the enemy anymore. I grew more concerned to the well being in others, and learned the best way to fight depression and rejection was to lose myself in the concerns and the helping of other people.
I don't know what demons this young man has (don't we all have them). Maybe that's just his personality and I need to learn to respect that and not take it personally. Or maybe I should reach out to him others did for me 20 years ago. Whatever happens, please pray for us both.
Then I remembered: He reminded me of myself some years ago (and, unfortunately today, to a lesser extent), almost to a tee.
Someone angry and depressed at a world who misunderstood me, that loved to talk about things among their friends, and making me an outsider as a result. There was a time I longed for friendship and acceptance, then it disappeared. Stung by romantic breakups and not liking the things others did, I became a loner. That cast me in the eyes of many as unfriendly, and the cycle continued. A bar was a place to go and listen to music get out of the house, enjoy a beer and a smoke, and observe pretty young ladies. However, I was an observer to the crowd at large, socializing and having fun among friends. There was a time when I may have been jealous of the gathering of companions, commiserating on the travails and humor of life, but I eventually became cold to it. I became numb to what people thought of me or how I was perceived.
Eventually, I found a group of friends that I could relate, and found jobs where I found purpose in them, and did not see people as the enemy anymore. I grew more concerned to the well being in others, and learned the best way to fight depression and rejection was to lose myself in the concerns and the helping of other people.
I don't know what demons this young man has (don't we all have them). Maybe that's just his personality and I need to learn to respect that and not take it personally. Or maybe I should reach out to him others did for me 20 years ago. Whatever happens, please pray for us both.
No comments:
Post a Comment